So I was thinking since I just started going to gay bars I could use my fresh eyes to give them a good looking over and review. Here it goes!
My first destination: LICK
Everywhere I go I hear that Lick is THE lesbian bar. I was super excited to go dreaming of sexy girls, lots of dancing, and tasty booze. What I found was drastically different from what I expected. I also did some fact checking to see if it was just a bad night and everyone I asked told me that what I experienced was a regular old night for our fair lady Lick.
So here’s how it differed from my hot lesbian fantasy…
I knew the club was small but when I got in it felt pretty spacious……. because there was next to no one in it. About 12 girls the whole night I was there. And the 5 or so on the dance floor didn’t even want to dance together, just off in their own corner… wtf bbq? Isn’t that why we’re here? I am.
The condition of the room was poor. Sure it had some cool looking milk bottles on the wall (if I was into that..???) but it was tiled up the wall like a public shower, cracked dirty tiles included. It didn’t even have cool decorations or awesome lighting to cover that shit up. Sorry but total effort fail club owner. It’s not just gay dudes who appreciate the finer things in life! Thankyouverymuch!
The music was ok. Danceable at least. Clumsy at worst. The first DJ had super awkward transitions where a few beats got skipped or jibed really bad.
The only drink on special was beer. Way to be stereotypical! I can drink that at home for cheaper… Can we get some better drinks please?
On the website they also boasted an ass competition that I was all set to win. It turned out it got canceled because there wasn’t enough people. I found this out at 12:30am when they informed me I’d have to leave due to them shutting the place down early because of lack of interest.
All in all I was thoroughly disappointed in this club experience. My girl on girl fantasies got dashed on the curb like a pumpkin the day after Halloween.
The only good thing that I really have to say about this absolutely unforgivable dive is that the cover was only $5 and even that started late. Also I met a girl there who introduced me to some much better venues with novel things like lots of girls and drinks I like… Go Lick! Go Lick something hard and sand-papery!
Ratings
Drinks: **
Music: ***
Atmosphere: -*
Lesbianitude: *
Overall: *
Don’t go there unless well… just don’t go there. That’s probably what all the other lesbians are doing.
Definitions
Lesbianitude: the quantity and liveliness of the gay girls there
-E
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